twilight mania

new friend

I arrived half an hour early for my driving class

And while waiting for my driving instructor, I found myself looking at him

He was looking at me, too

Obviously, he was kind of shy because when I caught him looking at me, he hung his head and started to wring his arms

… then there was blood all over his shirt

I rushed to him and held his head up

"Oh, honey, what's wrong? Where's your Mommy?"

"Driving," he said in that cute, nasal, and uber-ly sweet voice

"Are you ok? See, your nose is bleeding but it's going to be alright," trying to sound grown up while wiping blood from his nose

In truth, I was kind of scared that he was going to start crying… which will make me start crying too because, well, I'm weird and stupid like that

So, I was saying all these 'comforting' stuff like, 'see you're a strong boy… very brave! … you're doing fine… Mommy's going to be here soon…'

When I realized he was staring up at me

"What?" I asked.

"You're funny," he said.

Then I laughed.

And he laughed.

"You like Red Power Ranger?" he asked.

Then I noticed the little action figures in his hands – Spider-Man, two Red Power Rangers and one undecipherable (old, grayish) thing

Clearly, he favored Red Power Ranger

"No, I kind of like Blue Power Ranger," I answered, being impish

His eyes grew big and said, "But Red Power Ranger is The Leader!"

"Even so, he doesn't have the big motorcycle like Blue Power Ranger," I said, not knowing what I was talking about

"Blue Power Ranger has a big bike?" he asked, unbelieving

"Well, I'm not sure – but in the movie it was there. Plus I like Yellow Power Ranger more because she's a girl," I said, trying to veer away from the Blue Power Ranger topic

Then his eyes narrowed and he said… "Hmmm, how do you know so many things about Power Rangers?"

… then he tore and ate a part of the tissue that we used to wipe the blood from his nose

I was shocked to say the least

But before he could repeat what he just did, I grabbed the tissue and threw it away!

"What are you doing?" I asked, hysterical.

"Nothing."

"Are you hungry? I have biscuits here."

"No, I'm thirsty."

I got a cup of water from the dispenser and hurried back to where he was sitting, worried to find him eating tissue again

Thankfully, he was playing with Spider-Man

"Who do you think will win between Spider-Man and Red Power Ranger?" he asked.

"Spider-Man of course! If Spider-Man sees Red Power Ranger, he will kill him and he will die… and Spider-Man will look for the other Power Rangers and he will kill them all…" I said while making Spider-Man action figure kick Red Power Ranger's behind

He paused for a moment, thinking of a clever comeback.

And he bowled me over.

"No, I think when they see each other, they will become friends. Super heroes don't kill each other. They help each other."

Ah, so this is how it feels when a kid earns your respect.

"How old are you?" I asked.

"Six."

… then he started tearing the paper cup and taking small bites.

And 'respect' was thrown at my face.

"You're a weird kid," I said, not even trying to stop him.

"I like paper," he chuckled.

"So I see."

Just then his Mom showed up and called out, "Anthony, I'm here."

"I'll see you here again, right?"

"Yes, I hope so…"

Then he smiled.

And I waved goodbye.

boba

yesterday, one very unfortunate Filipina (UF) called me for a job interview.

 

UF: uh, hello. (struggling to speak English) this is Lachelle?

Me: yes, this is she. How may I help you?

UF: come here tomorrow for interview.

Me: (taken aback) excuse me? Sorry, what company is this?

UF: we are (some real estate company) and you have to come here tomorrow for interview. My boss wants you.

Me: (couldn’t help but scoff) Jeez, I don’t know. You might want to give me more information on this. Like how you got my CV, for instance. Or who I will be meeting…

UF: (missing the sarcasm) you applied for this job, no? That’s why I have your CV.

Me: Sorry, I don’t recall…

UF: (cutting me) Ah, whatever, whatever… I have your resume and my boss wants you here tomorrow.

Me: (incredulous) Did you just say ‘whatever’???

UF: Yes. (again missing the sarcasm and continues!!) And you are going to meet Farah.

Me: (really pissed and confused by now) Huh? Who is Farah? (My mistake, I should’ve just cut the line)

UF: Why do you need to know who she is?

Me: Oh my goodness! You’re really that stupid, are you? How can you ask me such question? What is your name? I’m going to report you! What company is this again?

UF: How many times do I have to tell you, we are (some real estate company). And you’re Filipina right? Filipina ka diba? Kase ganito yun…

Me: OH MY GOD!!! Please stop. Please stop. Don’t you dare speak in Tagalog to cover your incompetence!!!

UF: Teka lang…

Me: You know what – this is enough. This is the most stupid job offer I’ve ever received!!! Thanks, but no thanks!

UF: I’m going to tell my boss about you…

Me: Go ahead, bitch. Boba!

 

GGRRRRRRRR!!!! %#$%^&*()_(*&^%%$$$$$@###!!!!

sixteen

see you all real soon :)

why i like tiger...

“A child born to a black mother in a state like Mississippi...has exactly the same rights as a white baby born to the wealthiest person in the United States. It's not true, but I challenge anyone to say it is not a goal worth working for.”

injustice

It’s been nine days since they took you away.

And it’s amazing how I’m still alive.

 

Or am I really?

Routine is for robots.

So, maybe I’ve become one.

 

Existing, yet lifeless.

 

—ii—

 

It’s the second week…

The circles around my eyes belie the smile plastered on my face.

 

So, how long is it going be, Big Man?

I ask at night, when my slumber is as elusive as your freedom.

 

No more tears. Just indescribable sadness.

 

 

—ii—

 

Oppression exists.

 

Here. Now.

 

We’re all slaves in ties and stilettos.

 

—ii—

 

You’re back.

 

We kissed and I could taste our tears.

 

Five hundred eighty-four days together – twenty of which they took away from us.

 

They will pay. In time. They will pay.

subtle pimping

'nuff said.

corporate shmorporate

I am hopeless.

I am impossible.

I am bored.

 

I’ve been analyzing my life lately (sue me, I’m idle) and realized that I am not completely happy with my career.

 

Not completely happy means I am somewhat satisfied.

 

And “that’s the difference between me and the rest of the world. Happiness is not good enough for me. I demand EUPHORIA!”

 

Thanks, Calvin. My sentiments exactly.

 

Let’s talk gay…

Sinetch itey na super anghang na shuminta na nag-coverlu ng kanyang Bourne Identity para mag-experiment ng kamunduhan sa mga shongelyang damsel in distress kuno?

 

My girlfriend calls me from abroad.

“So, girl – it’s all planned: My boyfriend picks you up; then you both pick me up at the airport, ok?”

“Ok.” I said.

 

And there he was – MR.

I knew straight away.

My gay-dar went on super-bitchin’ alert mode the moment I laid eyes on his… tank top.

C’mon, I’m not one of the founding members of HDV for nothing! (uhm, HaDaVarkada)

 

I could smell his gay-ness.

Then he spoke… and it was confirmed.

The girlie-pitch, nasal tone… the hand gestures, the ‘you-know winks’…

And don’t let me start on the pout and the eyebrows!

I was like – OMG, what is goin’ on?

 

My mind was racing.

Does my girlfriend know?

Should I tell her?

Should I tell the gang?

Wait a sec – Is he wearing mascara?!

 

Before I knew it, we were at the airport.

My girlfriend was sooo happy to see him.

And I was like: Oh no. Don’t turn lesbian. Not like this.

 

Then during the course of my girlfriend’s one-month vacation, MR was introduced to all of our friends – apparently, they used to be colleagues. And MR used to hang out her place a lot.

He taught her how to do the catwalk.

You don’t say?

 

Surprisingly, the gang didn’t find anything ‘unusual’ about MR.

You guys, can’t you see???

Hello, the pinky is up, you guys! The pinky is up!

 

As the days passed, I was convinced that I was a bad friend for harboring such thoughts. And I couldn’t tell anybody. The frustration was eating me.

 

Until…

 

“Joke joke joke ba ito girl? You mean, ang lola mo witchels sa pagka-knows na tinkerbell ang jowawiz nya?!” said M1.

“Ay, smellanie marquez! Malansa! Berde, berde, berde… berde ang beret nya!” said M2, eyeing MR’s green beret suspiciously.

 

Ah, M1 and M2 (I cannot disclose their names. Both are happily married now with kids) – the perfect example of drag queens trapped inside petite women with huge boobies – a.k.a my allies.

 

So, it wasn’t just me, after all!

And although I was rejoicing that my sanity was intact, my girlfriend was still in La-La-Land with her ‘boyfriend’ who was… well, semi-boy.

 

And I didn’t have a problem with that!

Really.

Let’s see here: his hair is dyed auburn, he wears mascara, he wears my friend’s blouses, he wears glitter-powder all over his face and body…

Why should I have a freakin’ problem with that?

One of my closest, oldest girlfriends makes out with Boy George… again: why should I have a freakin’ problem with that?

 

Do the math: this happened when McFlurry was all the rage in Manila.

Then in 2006, when I arrived in Dubai, MR and my girlfriend were through.

Apparently, MR couldn’t handle long-distance relationships.

Yeah, right.

 

And just recently, by some miracle or another, my girlfriend confessed.

“MR and I had chat… he told me he’s dating someone. So I asked: Is it a she or a he?”

 

Then we both laughed!

OMG! I was so relieved that I could actually tell her everything then.

I reminded her of the tank top, the plucked eyebrows, the forever-shiny arms, the awful torn pants MR wore at this Jay-r concert, the lip gloss… and we had a blast!

 

MR now tells my friend he’s getting married and his present GF is the only girl his Mom ever liked.

And we bawled!

I rolled on the carpet. My friend banged her head on the wall.

 

And like any snooping girls, we checked MR’s Friendster account.

Oh, the pictures!

One word: scripted!

 

Then we checked The Girl’s – there were no ‘revealing’ photos.

But her shout-out was something like:

“No, you bitch, I am not lesbian!”

That did it. I thought I died laughing.

 

My girlfriend is semi-friends MR’s supposed present GF. But they were never chummy.

So imagine the surprise when one fine day The Girl sends an email.

“Did MR tell you I’m his girlfriend and that we’re getting married? Please do not believe this. There is no truth to this and I’ve told him to stop telling people. It is bothering me a lot.”

 

Gasp.

I know.

How pathetic.

 

Still, my girlfriend and I thought… Trulili or Chenelyn?

 

To this, my friend said: “Hay naku, si Mama Ricky talaga, antarush ng tele-novela script! Check, check, check! Hindi pa kase lumabas sa closet eh! Ugmas na ‘yan… Out na, Lola: Go, Go, Go!”

 

Apluk.