LOVE hasn’t been kind to me lately

you know the drill. in the heterosexual world—boy meets girl; girl meets boy; they fall in love; and live happily ever after. and we all know that that’s bull. what really happens is: boy meets girl; girl meets boy; they fall in love (or so they think); then boy meets another girl (or boy); boy dumps girl one; boy calls; girl one falls again; boy plays then meets another girl (or boy)… and so on.

it's boring how everything about the so-called-wonderful-emotion-that-is-love got so predictable. you love, you hurt. that’s it. there’s no other way around it. no bargains. no time-outs. when it’s there, it’s there. you can’t say, “hey wait a second, you can’t love me like that—i’m not ready, no fair!”

you just feel it, you know? it’s there… so overpowering, it’s almost tangible. yeah? so is “pain,” right? like love, you can’t manipulate it—you can’t choose which time of day you suddenly feel like dying from loneliness… you can’t tell your boss, “tears? what tears? oh, these… i must’ve poked my eye with my… eyelashes. yep, sure, it happens. haven’t you heard of it happening to anybody before?”

fuck it.

pain and happiness, i think, are universal. doesn’t matter whether you’re white, black, yellow or brown—feelings, emotions, are common. and just because i’m a woman doesn’t mean i ache more. and i know you know—this ain’t easy. you bury yourself in work. you walk aimlessly under the rain. you shop without purpose or direction—no wait, i take that back. shopping is vital. it needs apt concentration. but you get what i mean, right? i’m just aching, it sucks.

i miss him.